Your rape jokes aren't funny.

Trigger warning: rape, sexual violence.

My friend made a rape joke today.

It's not the first time he's told one, and he's not the only person I know who has, either. Today, after he said it, he turned around to catch my reaction and laughed when he got it. He knew that I'd be angry and that I'd object - and he found it funny.

The reason he found my reaction funny is because it fulfilled his expectations of how I'd react from the last time he told a rape joke. And the time before that. And the time before that. And backwards and backwards to the first time I told him that no, I didn't find it funny and yes, I did want him to stop.

A few days ago I got told to get a sense of humour when I was told a rape joke. Apparently, I was the person in the wrong. It was a rape joke! Everybody makes rape jokes! Who doesn't enjoy a rape joke? I must be the odd one out, the unreasonable one, the one who doesn't get it.

Herein lies one of the many, many problematic aspects of rape jokes. The fact that you're told to get a sense of humour when you don't laugh means one thing - that there are enough people who have responded to the jokes with laughter and smirks. That there are enough people who have affirmed the joker's belief that yes, rape jokes are funny.

Laughing at sexual violence, the violation of a person's human rights, the exploitation and abuse of a human being - it's completely normal. It's funny. Start laughing.

The thing is that most people defend rape jokes by saying that they'd never actually rape someone. Don't get me wrong, that's brilliant. Fab. I'm glad you don't intend on committing a sexual offence. Good for you. Have a cookie.

But by laughing, smiling, smirking at a rape joke, and by telling it in the first place, you're showing that there is a part of you - a public part of you - that finds rape funny. That you get entertainment from the concept of it. You're sending that vibe to the people around you.

I won't go into how rape jokes can affect rape survivors and potential rapists. That's already been done to a better standard than I ever could. I have never been raped, so I can't and won't speak for those who have. People are voicing their experiences and their feelings on the subject more and more, and that is a truly brilliant thing.

I won't go into detail about the facts and statistics surrounding rape and other forms of sexual violence. I'd like to think that people already know them, but let's be honest - even if they do, it won't stop the rape jokes.

Because most people who make rape jokes know what rape is. The content of their jokes shows that they know it's a violent, intrusive and deeply unsettling concept. They know it's a controversial topic - just like my friend showed when he glanced at me, waiting for my reaction, earlier today.

But do they know that rape jokes aren't funny? No. They wouldn't make them if they did. There is something ingrained in people that makes them think rape is funny. Despite the facts and figures, the survivor accounts and the social media buzz, they're still making the jokes, and they're still laughing. To them, it's funny that the extreme violation of someone's rights can be made into the butt of a joke. It's funny to make low-key contributions to the rape culture we're all living in, as members of this society. It's funny to watch the reactions of those who object. 

For the rest of us, though, rape isn't a joke. Sexual violence, domestic violence, any violence isn't a joke. To the people who make them into jokes - think about what you're endorsing, and think about what you're implying. Your rape jokes aren't funny.